Collateral Beauty - Finding Your Bliss
Sometimes negativity feels like a dark cloak. Heavy and saturated with everything that could go wrong. The weight can feel suffocating as it encompasses your being. When this happens, you settle and accept it, you may go through your day feeling really negative and accepting it as a way of life.
There is medicine in pain and you don’t have to simply accept it. You may not be able to control when darkness weighs you down but you can control how you respond to it and this can prevent you from staying in a place of despair.
The best way to deal with challenging times and gain momentum is by starting with a positive environment.
This looks different for everyone. You will need to find a space where you feel most yourself. For me I need quiet. A deep serenity.
I find this place in the early morning before my day begins. Instead of waking up and immediately interacting with people, my phone… life in general, I take a few moments to myself. This helps me create momentum in my productivity and starts my day on the right track.
I follow this ritual with morning affirmations. If I still don’t feel up for engaging, I take some time to myself and go for a walk, or just find a quiet place to sit and drink my tea. The act of sitting down and drinking tea can be a form of meditation within itself.
Taking these sweet moments to be with my own soul helps set my day up for positivity even amongst the chaos and grief of everyday life. Below you will find some of my most beloved morning affirmations shared with me by my teacher Naomi Fox.
Before your feet hit the floor, repeat these silently to yourself.
1. Thank you for this new day
2. I AM filled with happiness & gratitude
3. I AM grateful for another opportunity to live MY life.
4. I AM grateful to feel the air in my lungs and the beating of my heart.
5. I AM thankful simply for being alive.
6. Thankfulness, appreciation and sincere gratitude are apart of who I AM.
7. I AM grateful for who I AM and for what I have.
8. I invite gratitude into my heart
9. Today I will have an attitude of gratitude.
10. Thank you for the blessings this day will bring.
Positive Energy All Day
Here is my list of ways I stay grounded in positive energy throughout even my toughest days. This isn’t to say I don’t have moments of pure breakdown, but I have learned that it is more about how I get back up. We will always fall, but how do we recover? These tips and affirmations are so helpful in finding all the goodness around you once again.
1. You obtain what you attract
Repeat, “I am attracting unconditional love, abundance, high vibrational experiences and sacred connections”.
Whether you realize it or not, you are responsible for bringing both positive and negative influences into your life. What this means is by placing your focus on negative emotions and feelings, (living in the past, guilt, distrust, jealousy, judgment, negative ‘pressures’) then you will hold yourself back, strain your external bonds and put your dreams to a halt.
Your thoughts will impact what happens. But if you look for the silver lining in every moment then you’ll soon start to see the goodness and the beauty surrounding every good day and bad day. Being aware of your thoughts and how they impact you will encourage you to see that YOU have the ability to free yourself and take control of your mind. You can obtain what you attract. The words you say, both out loud and to yourself…become.
Remember to speak lovingly to your being.
2. Focus on the ‘can’, not the ‘can’t’.
“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.”
“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” —Steve Maraboli
Knowing the difference between the things we can control and the things we can’t is a topic that comes up frequently, both in my own self-reflection and in conversations with clients too. It manifests in many contexts and situations but always comes back to a single principles:
We can control our input, but we can’t control the outcome
I can control how I show up in my relationships, but I can’t control what other people think of me. I can control how much time and effort I put into preparing for a job interview, but I can’t control whether I end up getting the job. I can control how diligently I work on a piece I submit to a competition, but I can’t control where I’m placed in that competition.
In all of these situations, we can influence the outcome, but we can’t control it.
There are some things that are going to be within your control, and there are going to be some things you cannot. It is really important to understand the difference. I personally aim to take one day at a time and one project at a time. I focus on the present moment or activity and I let go of what I cannot control. Do not waste energy on circumstances that are outside of your control. You will only hurt yourself.
Don’t sweat the small stuff because nothing will ever be perfectly smooth and the sooner you understand that, the sooner you can move on. Focus on the ‘can’, not the ‘can’t’. Only YOU can control YOUR own actions and reactions, no one else.
3. I do it for me.
Always do what is best for you to be happy and feel fulfilled. I made it a point to ask primarily for books for Christmas (I can share those on my website if you are interested!) The reason? I feel like I am always reading things that just leave me with a bitter taste in my mouth, negative comments, people fighting on Facebook, someone yelling about our orange president. There is so much hate and pain in the news, on social media and in the workplace. So much judgement, people fighting and at each other's throats. You need to stay above that and focus on the good in the world, because it does exist.
I personally avoid the news entirely. Sure maybe that makes me naive, but the news is very dark and negative and what is shown on TV always overcasts the good things going on, and there is a such thing as good news too.
Try reading the good news, look at the positive blogs and read the uplifting motivational books, anything that will keep your thoughts clear, happy and inspired.
My favorite book is “The Untethered Soul” and it completely changed my perspective and I quote it quite often! Oh and if you like something you are reading, highlight it and save it for later. It will come in handy the next time you need a little boost for your self esteem. Surrounding yourself with positive people helps too.
“Letting go does not mean forgetting, it just means we stop carrying the energy of the past into the present.”
Get rid of those toxic relationships.
I personally have never had many friends. We wander through this life forming and reforming MANY relationships.
Many people come and go and whether the relationships are good or bad we learn from them.
In 2017 I started saying no to all the wrong things and I started saying yes to a hell of a lot more! I said goodbye to some people I never thought I would separate from. I also learned a lot about some people that are still in my life.
I have learned that negative people and conversations will only divert your focus in the wrong direction. You will focus on all the bad things and this will derail your goals. Do not engage in the negative media and conversations. Don't care what that might look like to others, do it for you.
4. Don’t overlook how important you are.
Everyone has something they regret and some of us have a hard time letting go. I want you to know that this is okay, you are human and this is a part of life. We all make mistakes, the key is to learn from them and keep being your badass self.
Let go of all that no longer serves you, say it to yourself if you need to.
“I let go of all that no longer serves me”
You are resilient and you are beautiful. Rather than punish yourself about the past why not celebrate the present? Always make time to celebrate, the big stuff AND the small stuff. My favorite thing to do when something little things happen is hop in the car and go ‘get a drink’ with my boyfriend. Now when I say ‘get a drink’ I mean drive to the grocery store and get a kombucha. I don’t drink, I am hypersensitive to alcohol and kombucha gets me all giggly and silly, this is my reward and I cherish these little dates.
Reward plays a huge part in staying motivated and it can be as simple as going getting a kombucha. You are worth it! Don’t overlook how important you are.
“Healing begins with acceptance and culminates with letting go. When a great misery occurs it remains with us for as long as we hold on to it, attachments become attachments because of the energy we use to keep what happened or the image of what we want to happen locked away within our mind and body - this is the cause of tension in our being. When we hold on to these attachments they travel with us as a burden, from the past, to our present, and into our future. They can even travel forward in our lineage long after we are gone. Imagine the timeline of your life, now imagine the burdens that you carry as an extra line layered on top of your normal timeline. As we let go of our miseries, this extra layer becomes thinner and thinner. Yes, it may not change what happened, but the extra energy we carried because of these occurrences will no longer weigh down the timeline of your life. What happened, happened, but now these moments are no longer attachments of pain and sorrow, now they are lessons we learn from, lessons that bring us into a present of greater freedom, happiness, and wisdom. Letting go is not an easy process, it requires a practice that produces results and a commitment to continue delving inward so we can release deeper and deeper attachments. We all heal differently, but know that there is something out there for you.Be bold, courageous, find a practice that suits you and meets you where you are at. Healing will come to those who seek it. ”
5. YOU are ENOUGH
There was a point in my life where all I wanted was to be seen. I just wanted somebody to notice me—I remember it vividly and painfully. You know when you are standing in a room and everyone is in this weird synchronicity almost as if that’s exactly where they are supposed to be, and then there is you. Totally out of your element and crawling out of your skin?
I would wonder how I could make my presence be known? How can I make them see me? Or maybe I should just settle into that corner and melt into oblivion. I was so unsure. So self absorbed and yet so helplessly clinging to ‘fitting in’ with my world around me.
There is something I have in common with that version of me and it is the awkward and vulnerable little girl that just wants to be loved. Something we all have inside of us.
The way you put your energy out into the world affects more than just the people you connect with on a day to day. It ripples. Like waves rolling, these energies travel through the people we connect with and impact strangers that we may not ever meet.
✨Be thoughtful.
✨Be kind.
✨Be conscious.
Of everything you put out into the world. I work really hard to be there for people the way I wish someone was there for me when I was that 15 year old girl who felt like she was worthless, scared and alone. I have worked hard to become her best friend, and to love and accept the innocence I still have in my heart to this day.
We all have an inner child within us. We all carry a weight that many will never understand and that is why it is so important to be loving, kind and have empathy for other beings in the world around us. Allow the ripples of your energies to create waves that travel and carry love and support within them. You can be the change. There’s always room to begin again.
Oftentimes we forget that we are irreplaceable and we lose sight of how far we’ve come. This is my ultimate weakness. I am very hard on myself, and I have days where I feel like I am not enough. YOU are ENOUGH. I am enough.
Remind yourself of all the accomplishments you have, big and small. Make a special note of congratulations or anything that will keep you motivated. Read this when you are facing doubt and darkness.
I feel like I should refer to this ‘darkness’ as the upside down, because you literally feel like you have been transported to a stormy underworld and you are stuck there to shrivel up and die.
Infuse that mind with positive thoughts! Here is where the self love comes in. Talk to yourself! Talk to the second voice that exists in your head that is putting you down. Let it know, “Hold up bitch, I can do ANYTHING I am special, I am irreplaceable, I am worth it…(insert some accomplishments here)”
This little moment will get you back on track and infuse more love and vibrancy into your life. Purposefully infuse your life with a positive perspective and you will become addicted to all the good vibes. The good energy will keep you motivated and prevent you from ending up in that upside down. We like you right side up. Xo
Thank you endlessly to my teacher, mentor, sister Naomi Fox for everything you have shared with me. Your knowledge and wisdom carries into so many things I share and I love you so very much for all that you are. I will be doing a future blog post about my Yin training with her as well as my Reiki training which I am currently enrolled in!
A very special thank you to my friend and photographer Greg Brennan for helping me capture these photos.