Hey, Hi, Hello, How ya doin.

Hey, Hi, Hello, How ya doin. We are one month into Quarantine here in New Jersey and I have been cooking every meal, every day for almost 2 months now. This morning I took a look at all the photos I’ve taken for the vegan Italian cookbook and told myself they were shit.

I’m officially halfway through creating my 3rd cookbook and I’m starting to compare, dissect and evaluate. I read these words back to myself and it is actually funny in the grand scheme of things because in reality, I am independently working on designing and creating every aspect of a cookbook from recipes, to styling, to photos to layout, to formatting to printing. That is an accomplishment in and of itself, and I should be proud and I am, but I am also critical.

I’m not perfect.

There are days where I look at everything and say, “what the hell is this?, who even are you?, why bother?”

I know this isn’t true.

It’s my ego siding with everyone else that I see published in magazines, on book tours, killing it on youtube or on social media.

This darker shadow of myself, my ego, is showing me something. It shows me that I have a choice.

I can choose to scrap my hard work, to let the negativity take the wheel. I can give up. I can also choose to reassess, readjust and learn from this. I can take a step back and find a new perspective.

I am now sitting down working on my website—something that makes zero sense to me. It is frustrating me on another level because there are so many changes I want to implement here and I don’t know how or where to begin. There is also opportunity here.

In shifting my focus I am able to see my work in a different light. Seeing all of my colorful creations on a page—recipes that I worked really hard on, for my books, for myself, for companies and brands I have collaborated with. Videos on my YouTube channel that never really went anywhere but still make me laugh just the same.

I know I’m using the same props as I was 3 years ago, they’re falling apart and I really need to invest in new stuff—but I cannot afford it and have been furloughed from one job and have no income from the other.

I know that everyday provides new obstacles that make it harder for me to shoot videos, and that sometimes it is hard to put on a camera and be ‘on’. Because even if I am being myself, I am still ‘performing’ in a sense. And maybe that doesn’t make sense, and I promise I  am never being anything other then myself with you but I still have to make an effort to create content that people want to watch.

I also know that a lot of what’s stopping me is me.

The pattern is that I get frustrated and competitive. With my damn self—and I know this is a pretty selfish post that is kind of, me, me, me but I share this because I find that a lot of people including myself are unconsciously doing the same thing right now.

With emotions, progress, jobs, finances, goals, commitments—whatever it may be. You get the idea.

Well let me tell you something. Don’t.

Don’t fall back on progress you have made with your mental health—just because you cannot access the same resources. Don’t give up on your weight loss journey or your fitness goals, or that headstand you were trying to do. Don’t tell yourself you are worthless because you lost your job or a client or an event.

Don’t come at yourself and pick and tear and put down the parts of you that are vulnerable. Because you don’t deserve it. You are better then that and you are MORE then your emotions and thoughts that feel like they’re swallowing you whole.

Simple as that.

We are in unprecedented territory and you can use this time to sulk and shred up every bit of yourself. You can lay in bed all day and snack and cry and watch TV. You can be upset that you cannot go to the gym. Call up all your friends and complain until you are so mentally and emotionally drained that you open that new bottle of wine. Or, you can adapt. You can reassess and you can reevaluate.

Check yourself.

Check your energy.

Check your basic human needs.

Are you hydrated, are you sleeping normal hours, are you spending time outside, are you eating things other then shit and junk? Do you give yourself a break? Do you pat yourself on the back for the little accomplishments that are just as important as the big accomplishments? Like getting up in the morning and taking a shower or washing your face?

It’s funny because as I write this I still haven’t washed my face or bushed my teeth and its 12 noon on a Tuesday, but I did poop today. #winning

YOU are going to be ok, WE are going to be ok. I am going to be ok. Say it 3 times if you need to.

We are one month into a Quarantine that no one could have anticipated and in spite of all the negatives there are SO many positives. Sometimes we just need to change our perspective, read someone else’s or simply get upside down and do that handstand we have been trying to do.

If you are feeling off, numb, weird, lost or just straight up down take a minute and ask yourself, “Hey, Hi, Hello, How ya doin?”

Check yourself, check your energy, check your basic human needs. Then give yourself 30 minutes to really see what is showing up for you. For me, today—it’s, “I am not good enough”

Take the words that come up for you and make them the opposite.

So, for me, “I AM good enough.” Then give yourself a moment to change your perspective, to look back on how far you have come, to see where you want to go and how you can reassess and reevaluate your current situation so you can adapt better and take care of YOU.

You come first, ALWAYS. I cannot say this enough. I genuinely think I have said it in all my blog posts.

Your ego will always compare you to someone else. It will always shine light on your flaws and minimize your strengths. It will never give you permission to BE exactly as you are—to make changes that are healing for you because that little inner bully is just there to put you down. But it doesn’t reign power over you. It’s just there to be your inner critic so you can push back and say, “I got this.”

After writing all of this, I came back to what my ego was saying to me this morning,

“who even are you?, why bother?” I respond with, “I am an incredibly strong, capable, talented and brave woman who works hard every day to be the best version of herself and to share whatever I can from my heart—even when it hurts or feels heavy—in light that I can help someone else because we are never alone in this world and I am more then my anxious thoughts.”

I am a reflection of you.

I hope my words help you in some way. I love you, and I see you and if you need me, I am here.

I put a lot of time into my content—in an effort to really share from my heart and ensure that I make everything I create the best that it can be. If you found this content useful and care to support me further, you can donate to me through here!